Some randomness...

Had a sudden urge to crap around a little, so i decided to make a new post... Well, i've kinda gotten over my devastating loss... In the midst of trying to gather back my contacts. I guess this kinda saves me the trouble of pruning my contacts where i'll be sitting there thinking 'should i delete this fella's number'. The numbers i do manage to get back are probably the ones that matter.

In any case, i've gotten the long awaited pink object. Well, a little late officially, but you know, it doesn't really make a difference. Then again, now that when you actually reach that day you've heard so much about, i'm not really getting the hype that it's supposed to bring... Can't really feel any joy if you can call it that actually...

I guess just like enlisting needed getting used to, so would ORDing... In any case, i'll probably still need to go back to camp one of these days... Friggin incompetent administration this battallion has... It's not as if we suddenly decided to ORD or anything. Whatever excuses they can churn up, all it takes is for them to plan their stuff ahead. What kind of shit battallion can't even give us our transcripts and testimonial on time? They can even tell me 'we have no idea when it'll be ready'

Well done guys... Anyway, i always pictured my ORD to contain some emotional moments where they actually have some kind of event of farewell or whatever you wanna call it. Or at least have some quality goodbye moments... It was completely not present. I went back to camp on a day where most of the people were out for live firing. This probably contributes to why this ORD feeling is so mellow and lacking...

Anyway seriously, i don't know what i want. Am i looking for some kind of touching farewell or elaborated well wishes? Have i reduced myself to such a level that i'm actually seeking such forms of gratification? Maybe i'm just so convinced with myself that i've worked too hard for my net worth that i need some form of gratitude or appreciation to uh... Satisfy my sub-consious grudging urges... I don't even know if i'm making any sense, but there's just this damned feeling i can't get over.

A little time'll probably clear everything. But i think i can say there's definitely alot of nostalgia going for me. Probably much more than anyone else from what i've observed so far. In fact, i'm beginning to think i'm the only insane person to actually feel like that. I mean it's like, for most of my peers, they basically can confidently say they don't give a shit about what happens to this company/battallion or anything else that happens in SAF. Some can even go to the extend of almost severing ties with everyone just like that.

But i definitely can't. I'll still think about how they're gonna do. I'll still think about whether this bunch of our 'sucessors' if you can call them that will prove to be of any worth. I'll still wonder if they'll do well in Wallaby at the end of this year. I'll still basically just wonder how they're all doing. Seeing the state of the place and the direction things are going towards from the time i'm leaving, it doesn't look good at all actually.

I don't know what this organisation is doing, but their training schools for commanders are seriously becoming bull shit. The name they coined called Specialist is DEFINITELY no where an apt description for the 3sgs they're churning out. Specialist? In what friggin way do these insecure, unsure and practically untrained people resemble someone who should be named a specialist? They barely have the most basic of the knowledge they NEED to have for their job to be done. It's ridiculous. I have no idea what they're doing. Can you even call things training with the state they are at when they're slapped their ranks on?

And don't get me started on the Officers. Evidently, it is just going to get worst. I don't know which moron came up with this idea that they should stop screwing cadets and give them the 'ai de jiao yu' treatment, but wake up your bloody idea. You're gonna slap this rank on some kid that forces an old seasoned warrant officer in the army to pay compliments to them and the way they get this rank is by having a fun time in OCS?

Hello? WTF is up with that? When you give someone power, they NEED to understand the feeling and hardships of getting such power. When you give someone responsibilities, they NEED to understand the difficulties of baring such responsibilities. When you give someone the ability to completely screw a person up, they NEED to have been completely screwed by someone before, in order to understand what it feels like.

I mean, would you willingly go through shit that is put through to you by someone who has never been through shit himself? To put that in literal translation, let's say you have NO CHOICE but to put your face into a pile of shit. Would you feel better if the person who told you to do it has done the same thing himself or if that person is someone who don't even know what shit looks like?(I know that is logically impossible, but i'm just trying to illustrate a point)

That might not be the best analogy, but i think it works enough to get my point across. Let's just say you won't do shit a pussy asks you to do. And if you don't wack these cadets, they all just become pussy officers who have nothing to back them up.

Seriously, no offence to the new people who get into OCS and are basically the target of my sudden flaming outburst, but i'm targetting at the stupid system. Not you guys. Ain't really your fault actually. But the thing is, what is this organisation coming to if OCS cadets are actually having FUN in their training? They're actually enjoying every moment of it? OCS has become EASY to get by? WTF IS UP WITH THAT???!!!!!!! OCS is SUPPOSED to be a shitty place. That's what makes obtaining the rank so valuable.

It's becoming more and more of a joke as time goes by for the SAF to call itself a military organisation. A military is supposed to be a tough place. Yeah i know we're getting all 3G and stuff, but shouldn't basic resillence be still a requirement if you wanna be called a SOLDIER? I really don't think Singaporean men need this pussy treatment. So many generations have gotten by with WAY tougher NS training. They really shouldn't make it any easier than it's already becoming. That just makes things pointless.

They actually think it's a good idea to have this hotline for random idiots to call up and whine about how their 'mistreated' conveniently exegerrating things up by about fifty fold most of the time and they choose to listen to this person with nothing to back up his claims and have no contribution for the organisation and give problems to the people in the organisation who actually work. No wonder no one wants to work for this place. No wonder good regulars are getting sick of this place.

Let's face it. When you're scared of parents complaining to the MP, complaining about this and that, in the end, you're NOT a military. You're no different from any school or whatever.

I may sound like some crazy garang guy that enjoys tough training and loves NS. Trust me, i'm anything but that. Just like any other average Singaporean, i don't like the fact that NS has wasted 2 years of my time. But if i already have no choice but to waste 2 years of my life, i wanna make this 2 years at least worth something different. If i'm gonna be spending 2 years of my life supposedly training to be a soldier as i'm told and i turn out to be just another pussy, i see even more no point in things.

Thank GOD i think my 2 years wasn't as pussified. I can't say for sure for the future generations to come. I'm probably really crazy though...

ORD day? Not a good day i'm afraid...

Lady luck's daughter Miss Fortune seems to love me quite alot... Well, she decided to pay me a big suprise visit on this day that was supposed to be an instrumentally happy day. Let's just say i've never felt more retarded in my life.

It's really quite a smack in the face when you commit something you often preach against, and a big fat package of retribution comes smashing right into you. That was more or less what happened to me. To keep the ramblings short, i don't really feel like elaborating anyway, i got piss drunk and allowed my mobile to be stolen. I feel so stupid i don't even feel like talking to myself.

It's extremely painful, so i can't really listen to any 'advice' or whatever people may have to say to my stupidity. Lessons are supposed to be learnt by yourself... I'm already doing it. Thanks.

It's not the money or the cost of the phone. It's the friggin memories. There were quite abit in there. Photos and videos i don't have backed up. And of course the worst thing of all, all my DAMNED contacts are gone just like that... Bad things just happens all at once. Miss Fortune enjoys giving multiple presents...

In any case, there i was wallowing in self pity after having been robbed, and i made my way straight back to camp early in the morning. I was basically emoing the entire trip back to camp, which mind you is a bloody long trip.

Of course, i knew there was an unsettled issue back in camp. There was already the worry for my 40/50 wallet thing being unsettled and this sort of thing had to happen to me. Basically, i was responsible for the lost of something which can cost up to $2000. That had to be resolved somehow before my OC will sign my clearance for me to ORD.

So there i was, in camp still having a slight hangover, extremely depressed with losing my hand phone and having to force myself to plead, negotiate and talk my way into settling this. It's not a small issue definitely. I can't afford to pay for it, and their idea of 1206 together with my section is just not gonna happen. What kind of shit would i be to drop such a nice bomb on my men just before i ORD?

If there's one thing life as a Spec in the SAF or more particularly an Armour Spec has taught me, is that it's always your fault. It's not your men's fault, it can't be anyone else's fault. It's your fault. Suprisingly, i agree on that completely. When your subordinates do something, it is up to US as 3sg with this stupid rank to ensure that nothing goes wrong. So it is definitely your fault and not theirs. I think it's really important to the new specs to really understand this. It may be a sucky idea but that's just how it is.

Anyway, i'm side tracking... In any case, the only way to settle the issue was that i absorb it as my negligence, but i had to depend on OC to well... Cushion the damage for me...

So it took the entire morning before it was agreed that he will let me off after i write a statement and promise on my integrity that i will return to camp to follow up when called back.

So there i was, with my morale completely drained. From what i heard, ORD is supposed to be a happy event. And even if it were to be sad, it's supposed to be due to stuff like can't bare to leave your men, or some touching good bye event from your company or whatever. Not like that definitely.

It's really depressing to ORD feeling so unappreciated. Almost like me ORDing is a crime. It's my fault for leaving them. And thanks to this incident, which also happend to have occured thanks to my stupidity, i really became a criminal.

That's just how it is in a cruel truth of life. It doesn't matter how much contribution you might have had. It doesn't matter what happens in the past. It doesn't matter how hard you used to work. Countless number of positive events can be neutralised with just a single negativity. In fact, as long as you no longer have anything positive, it's all gone. Add in a negative event, and there you have it. Everything good you ever did is completely erased. This may sound really cynical, maybe even exeggerated, but this is the vibe i'm getting...

By the time all that was settled, it was around 2pm. I went up to my S1 branch, ready to hopefully see the item that might raise my spirits a little. And so nicely as it would all fall together, S1 branch decided to have a half day and i couldn't get my pink ic because they were closed...

Oh well, i couldn't really get any more depressed than i was anyway. Monday it shall be.. I lugged my remaining stuff placed in a trash bag and slowly took a bus followed by train back home. Emoing all the way of course.

I reached home, totally having lost all mood to do anything. The only thing to do was sleep. Sleeping through things at least calmed me down a little. I at least was rationale enough to know i shouldn't stay depressed for long. There was still the ORD celebration with my BMT mates at butter.

Seriously, i was heavily contemplating not turning up at all. It's like i just screwed myself up completely with alcohol the night before. One more time didn't appeal at all. In the end, i decided that if i didn't go, it'd mean that i'm continuing to wallow in self pity, which is something i don't wanna do. So i gave zp a call, arranged something and turned up well... Late...

I guess it was a pretty fun night. I definitely controlled my alcohol intake... I need to remind myself that invincibility was the last thing any liver can be. Normally, i would be able to access how much more alcohol i could take before going bonkers... But i have no idea what screwed me over the night before.

In any case, things are over now, and i've just done a pretty long rant. It's a painful lesson, but i bid Miss Fortune farewell... Thanks for all your help...